In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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