I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
