Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
