I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
