i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
