i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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