ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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