"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
