k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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