youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
