I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
