that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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