Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
