you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He better not be in your backpack
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
