I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
