I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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