I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
