you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
