Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
