Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
