I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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