if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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