DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
