When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
