Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
