Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
