Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
