On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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