Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
two words: eviction party
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
