11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
