My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
