Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
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I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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