TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
