Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she looked like the before picture.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
