yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
