Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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