Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
