I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
