don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
