thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
