i think my mom watched the whole time
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
