I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
