you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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