the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
