my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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