IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
