i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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