Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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