I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We need to get me chipped asap
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