In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
