I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
